30 November 2012

Burdensome Feelings - Blaming Others

Personal Reflection
by Jennifer S. Neher
I have not posted anything received from DailyOM for a while however when this came through, I was reminded once again, just how timely their postings can be.  The focus of this particular post is largely on "blame" and how we can easily shift the blame onto someone else as opposed to owning it ourselves.  Falling under this category is also how we interpret things. 
In our modern age where communication is often exchanged with limited (if any) human emotion, we are extremely vunerable to projecting our perceptions onto such exchanges which can easily transfer through to miscommunication where the original intention is overlooked (due to unnecessarily emotive responses).  As with anything, how we react to something (whether it is an email exchange, an image, news report, etc) is primarily our responsibility - something we each need to acknowledge and own as opposed to projecting the "blame" of how we have reacted onto someone else.
Once again I am reminded of that wonderful poem by Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, Call Me By My True Name, in that unless we are the instigator to the comment, situation etc, we will never truly understand the true meaning and purpose - only our own projections.
Burdensome Feelings - Blaming Others
by Madisyn Taylor
We cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions;
only they can make that choice when they are ready.
As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives.  If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises. 
We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we do not truly feel responsible for.  We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior.  Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behaviour.
Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready.
In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.
We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the Universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.

No comments:

Post a Comment